Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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