everyone is single if you try hard enough
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
