I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
