Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
