WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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