The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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