i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
