playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
