I accidentally burped into my bong.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
