my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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