It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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