Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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