Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
