he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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