I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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