It's just like the Real World with babies
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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