I'm eating all of the evidence.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
