Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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