last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Randomize
