Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
