That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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