i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
