Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize