she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
