They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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