Will you blow on my dice?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
