What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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