I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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