I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
