id be glad to
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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