Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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