Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
