i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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