i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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