I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
