Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Blood and glitter go together right?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
