she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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