so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
