WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
