Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
