Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize