I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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