Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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