Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
