Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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