I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
