im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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