Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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