This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize