did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have aggressive nipples.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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