Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
