your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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