if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
