get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
