The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize