dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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