Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
