I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
