you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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