[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
