My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
