from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
