forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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