Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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