I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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