i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
