yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
