I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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