I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
