I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize