I must be too annoying 4 u.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So squirting runs in the family.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Randomize
