Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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